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Monday, 16 May 2011


Where I come from, the word plank is used to refer to someone of limited intelligence:

"As thick as a plank."
"You fucked that right up, you plank."

I was reading at the weekend that some Aussie bloke fell 7 floors to his death, and that it might have been due to planking. Having never heard of the activity, I looked it up:

People lie down (like a plank, I assume) in an unorthodox location and have photographs taken of them... hmmm.

Have some human beings become so fucking board that this is what they have resorted to? I would also question if this is indeed a new fad, as my mate Spud used to do this all the time as far back as the 1980's (I remember one night when he lay motionless on the dog basket after a few Carlsberg Special Brews and a bottle of Merrydown Triple Vintage). Come to think of it, the chap in the San Viernes post could be said to be planking beside the gutter.

Speaking of planks. I just found out, to my horror, that the world's gonna end this Saturday! Well, it won't actually end this Saturday - it'll just be the start of a 5 month period of nasty things before the end. Intrigued, and confused as I thought it was supposed to end next year in December, I needed more information...

I came across a website last night that I thought would give me the answers. I must admit, I sort of lost interest after a while as the mathematics of the whole thing is a bit on the sketchy side. It goes something like this:

Noah's flood + 7 days (which is really 7,000 years) + one month & 17 days (which isn't really one month & 17 days) = the 21st of May, 2011 (+ 5 months) = the 21st of October, 2011

Those End of Dayers are probably forced to join religious organisations because they're shit at maths and can't find a decent job. Still, I'm gonna have egg (and fuck knows what else) all over my boat race on Saturday if it turns out to be true.

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