The Premier League (and Monkey Tennis)

The fixtures are out and normality will once again return to the world on the 13th of August. My blogging schedule goes to shit without the Prem, leaving me scratching around for ideas Partridgesquely:

So, what's been going on since the end of last season:

Giggsy, the epitomy of professionalism, has actually been a very naughty boy for a few years. I had been trying to follow the whole sordid story in The Sun, but as it has more twists and turns than an F1 track, I had to give up. Many of the Man U faithful have chanted Ryan's name in connection with a knighthood. His shenanigans shouldn't affect the outcome too much as mounting has always been one of the principal tasks of a knight.

Rooney's supposed to have had a hair transplant. Still not sure if that was only a piss take, or a PR stunt.

Sparky left Fulham with no apparent explanation given. I think the embarrassment of that Michael Jackson statue finally took its toll.

Ancelotti, as expected, was made to walk the plank. FA Cup and the league title in his first season, old mother Hubbard's cupboard in the second, "Thanks Carlo. Now, fuck off!"

The best one though, for me, is the McLeish soap opera. After seeing Birmingham relegated he decides that it would be a prudent move to take the vacant Villa post - Braveheart. The only difference being that it'll probably be the English hordes baring their arseholes this time.