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Friday, 17 February 2012

King Leer Society, International

Back in the day, (thanks, Pawn Stars - I can't get that out of my fucking head now) me and my old mate Conrad coined this phrase - I'm not claiming we were the first, we just hadn't heard anyone else use it.

Does it mean that we were fans of the Shakespearean tragedy? No, not really. I've never actually read it. What it means is that we were actually partial to ogling the better examples of the female form. Just looked at the definitions/examples of ogle and leer:

Ogle: to glance with amorous invitation or challenge; he sat at the bar, ogling several women.

Leer: to cast a sidelong glance; she complained that some disgusting man was leering at her.

It soon became obvious to us that there were many like-minded souls in this society, and that several methods were employed in leering:

The full on leer - used mainly by the novice, or the sexual deviant. Lacks subtlety and finesse; leaves the leeree with no doubt in her mind about what's going on.

The mistimed leer - a poorly executed manoevure which results in eye contact. The leerer is left embarrassed, but this can be avoided with more practise.

The consumate leer - this incorporates the use of peripheral vision, and requires the leerer to be aware of his surroundings at all times. Basically, you have the leeree in your sights long before she enters your leering zone, affording a reasonable glance at the frontage. Then, you avert your gaze until she has walked past you, allowing you to take in the view without fear of detection. However, beware the backward glance - the best of us have been caught out by this.

Since I've been in South America, I've been very impressed with the high standard of leering form the Latinos. It's only when you've walked down a main street over here (especially on a good day) that you can truly appreciate just how many curves and cleavages are actually on show - spoilt for choice. I'm proud to say that our international members have mastered the age old art, and will no doubt pass this skill onto future generations.

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