I used to have a mate, Adamson, who was in the Army Air Corps. Twenty something years ago, after a stint in Germany, he told me these two yarns over a bevy:
To mark his first tour of duty, a young greenhorn went in search of a prostitute. It didn't take long for one to give him a nod on a street corner and he accompanied her to a sleazy hotel. She discussed her terms - once you shoot your load, you pay up - and they got into the lift to go to her floor. In the lift she started rubbing his muchacho through his trousers to get him in the mood. The young lad, obviously not too experienced, couldn't handle the foreplay and came in his pants just as the lift reached her floor. Sure enough, as per the agreement, the prozzie demanded payment and the embarrassed young squaddie left the hotel without even getting his cock out of the holster.
The second starts in similar fashion, the only difference being that the squaddie involved had struck up a bit of habitual business with some sort. They went back to her digs one night, did the deed, and the bloke stayed until morning. When he woke up he found that all his gear was gone - clothes, shoes, watch, money... the lot. While trying to work out what to do next, he decided to exact some revenge by shitting on the bed. As he was in the process of smearing it over the sheets, his lady friend came in carrying his belongings which she had taken the time to clean.
These stories, when told, spread like wildfire (or shit on a sheet) and it wasn't long before I'd heard both of them retold complete with embellishments - one mate even walked into the bar one night and swore blind that he had told me them first when I'd actually told him the same stories about six months earlier. Only recently, when having a sup with a colleague over here, I heard an almost word perfect version of the first one.
You see, no one wants to admit that they were way down the chain when the story was doled out. I'm fairly sure that the versions I heard all those years ago weren't the originals - fuck knows how long they've been doing the rounds. But it's good to see that they still pop up in conversation, regardless of where you are.
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