I'm not saying that the top four places have been decided yet, because they haven't, but I think what's going on at the bottom (always was an ass man) is more intriguing. Cue the theme tune and opening scenes from Roald Dahl's Tales of the Unexpected (remember that?)...
Man City v West Ham
Sullivan reckons the Hammers have a 25% chance of avoiding relegation. I'd say that's about right, but you'd expect something a bit more encouraging from the West Ham co-chairman. Poor old Avram - in charge of relegated Pompey last season - must be wondering what he's done to be staring it in the face again. Away to City on Sunday (last time City played on a Saturday in the league... March, 5th) who are on a decent run of form of late, so I don't see things getting any better for Hammers' fans. 2-0
Last 3 games: Blackburn (H); Wigan (A); Sunderland (H)
Birmingham v Wolves
Thought Wolves were going to be safe a few weeks ago, but one point out of the last possible 12 sees them in all sorts of strife. They've got a local derby tomorrow, away to Birmingham, and they'll have to lift themselves after that performance against Stoke, midweek. If they could even pick up a point on Sunday, they could yet have a chance when you look at their last three games: WBA (H); Sunderland (A); Blackburn (H). 1-1
Wigan v Everton
Wigan could have gone down a couple of times since they were promoted in '05, but they've somehow managed to avoid it. In truth, results haven't been that bad for them in their last 6 matches (considering two of those were away to City and Chelsea), picking up 7 points. The Toffees, finishing off yet another season strongly, will be tough opposition for the Latics at home tomorrow. 2-2
Last three games: Villa (A); W Ham (H); Stoke (A)
Blackpool v Stoke
Holloway's boys have had a right mare in the last couple of months - last win... 3-1 against Spurs on Feb, 22nd - and have picked up just two points out of a possible 18 in their last 6 bouts. They're at home tomorrow, but it'll be no easy task against a Stoke side who are in a confident mood right now. Looking at the Seasiders' last three games - Spurs (A), Bolton (H), Man U (A) - you gotta say that anything less than 3 points tomorrow could spell disaster. Don't know why, but I fancy them to win this by the odd goal.
Haven't forgotten that Blackburn are in the mixer as well. It's just that I've lost complete interest in them since they sacked Big Sam and appointed some bloke with no personality to take over. Their last victory was on the 23rd of January, 2-0 at home to WBA.
Predos
Blackburn 1 1 Bolton
Blackpool 2 1 Stoke
Sunderland 1 1 Fulham
WBA 2 1 Villa
Wigan 2 2 Everton
Chelsea 2 0 Spurs
Birmingham 1 1 Wolves
Liverpool 3 1 Newcastle
Arsenal 1 2 Man U
City 2 0 W Ham
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Friday, 29 April 2011
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Fond memories of a cantankerous ol' cunt
Five years ago, this month, an old mentor of mine went to that great big brewery in the sky.
I met Jim in 1987 when I started my first job. I was a lanky, greasy haired youth just beginning to find my way in the world, and Jim was a 50 something, roll up smoking, Guinness drinking, Cullybackey man with a thick Scottish brogue. In those early days I was more than a bit intimidated by him. He wasn't my boss but I did have to consult him on various subjects, and I can remember that feeling of almost dread whenever I would step into his office.
Jim was regarded as something of a fountain of knowledge in the industry; there's no doubt about it - he knew his stuff. The problem, however, was that he came across as though he knew everything. Because of this, Jim had as many enemies as he had friends, but this never really seemed to bother him.
After my first few months of working, I gradually started to lose that feeling of intimidation around him. There was a shitload of stuff I needed to know, and I found out that, on most occasions, Jim was the right man to go to. He'd never give you a straight answer though - there was always a parable to endure before he got to the fucking point.
One thing we both had in common was the bevy, and it wasn't long before I was joining Jim (and a couple of other stalwarts) in the local boozer after work. For me, this was like being accepted into the inner circle, as the pub we drank in was the real deal - no mod cons, no poncing around. It was there that I'd hear colourful tales from the past. I'd have a pint of Bass, Jim would go through his strange Guinness ritual (pint bottle off the shelf, halfin' tumbler with ice) and the snug would be filled with smoke from rollie tobacco and Embassy Regal cigarettes.
Over the next few years we became pretty decent mates. I learned quite a bit about his turbulent past: the booze, the women, the booze - the standard sort of fayre for an Irishman who had been around the block a few times. His advice on the fairer sex was pretty simple, "All whores have a heart of gold."
Then, in the early 90's, Jim received a bit of bad news - the big C. He was told that his chances were fairly good but that the operation would be a biggie. I went to visit him after the op and found him in decent spirits, considering he'd just been cut up like a side of beef. When he was let out to recover, I'd bring his rolling tobacco and papers round to his house - not exactly doctor's orders - and the ol' bastard would complain if I turned up late. No doubt about it: as the years rolled on he became a cantankerous old cunt.
Miraculously, the old boy made a full recovery and continued to work on a part-time basis for the next few years. We were still in the same outfit but my responsibilities had changed, so we couldn't meet up as often for the tea time bevy. Shortly after that, things got a bit too much for Jim, and he gave up the job and moved into a smaller gaff. I didn't visit half as often as I should have, but I still enjoyed bringing a drink round to his house of an odd weekend, and listen to him grumble about the state of the world and those who lived there.
Towards the end, he basically turned into a recluse. I had moved to a different part of the town and lost touch with him. Finally, I got a phone call from a mate to say that Jim had been taken into hospital and had died there a few days later. I was told that he'd just lost the will to carry on.
In truth, there wasn't a big turn out at his funeral - just the way he would've wanted it. I met up with a few ex colleagues who I hadn't seen in a while, and we reminisced about Jim's eccentricities: the Guinness ritual, the way he'd count out his personal possessions (tobacco pouch, rolling machine, keys, etc.) before he left work or the pub, his insistence on having tea, bread and butter with every meal.
Nobody was up for a bevy that day after we left the cemetery, so I never did get the chance to lift a glass to his memory. Now, five years on, I find myself thinking about him, and how he actually taught me a thing or two - some good, some not so good. He could be a right fucking pain in the ass at times, but he was one of the old brigade. Never a gentleman, but always a decent bloke. The type of character that's becoming harder to find in today's world.
With a glass in one hand, and a cigarette in the other,
Cheers Jim
I met Jim in 1987 when I started my first job. I was a lanky, greasy haired youth just beginning to find my way in the world, and Jim was a 50 something, roll up smoking, Guinness drinking, Cullybackey man with a thick Scottish brogue. In those early days I was more than a bit intimidated by him. He wasn't my boss but I did have to consult him on various subjects, and I can remember that feeling of almost dread whenever I would step into his office.
Jim was regarded as something of a fountain of knowledge in the industry; there's no doubt about it - he knew his stuff. The problem, however, was that he came across as though he knew everything. Because of this, Jim had as many enemies as he had friends, but this never really seemed to bother him.
After my first few months of working, I gradually started to lose that feeling of intimidation around him. There was a shitload of stuff I needed to know, and I found out that, on most occasions, Jim was the right man to go to. He'd never give you a straight answer though - there was always a parable to endure before he got to the fucking point.
One thing we both had in common was the bevy, and it wasn't long before I was joining Jim (and a couple of other stalwarts) in the local boozer after work. For me, this was like being accepted into the inner circle, as the pub we drank in was the real deal - no mod cons, no poncing around. It was there that I'd hear colourful tales from the past. I'd have a pint of Bass, Jim would go through his strange Guinness ritual (pint bottle off the shelf, halfin' tumbler with ice) and the snug would be filled with smoke from rollie tobacco and Embassy Regal cigarettes.
Over the next few years we became pretty decent mates. I learned quite a bit about his turbulent past: the booze, the women, the booze - the standard sort of fayre for an Irishman who had been around the block a few times. His advice on the fairer sex was pretty simple, "All whores have a heart of gold."
Then, in the early 90's, Jim received a bit of bad news - the big C. He was told that his chances were fairly good but that the operation would be a biggie. I went to visit him after the op and found him in decent spirits, considering he'd just been cut up like a side of beef. When he was let out to recover, I'd bring his rolling tobacco and papers round to his house - not exactly doctor's orders - and the ol' bastard would complain if I turned up late. No doubt about it: as the years rolled on he became a cantankerous old cunt.
Miraculously, the old boy made a full recovery and continued to work on a part-time basis for the next few years. We were still in the same outfit but my responsibilities had changed, so we couldn't meet up as often for the tea time bevy. Shortly after that, things got a bit too much for Jim, and he gave up the job and moved into a smaller gaff. I didn't visit half as often as I should have, but I still enjoyed bringing a drink round to his house of an odd weekend, and listen to him grumble about the state of the world and those who lived there.
Towards the end, he basically turned into a recluse. I had moved to a different part of the town and lost touch with him. Finally, I got a phone call from a mate to say that Jim had been taken into hospital and had died there a few days later. I was told that he'd just lost the will to carry on.
In truth, there wasn't a big turn out at his funeral - just the way he would've wanted it. I met up with a few ex colleagues who I hadn't seen in a while, and we reminisced about Jim's eccentricities: the Guinness ritual, the way he'd count out his personal possessions (tobacco pouch, rolling machine, keys, etc.) before he left work or the pub, his insistence on having tea, bread and butter with every meal.
Nobody was up for a bevy that day after we left the cemetery, so I never did get the chance to lift a glass to his memory. Now, five years on, I find myself thinking about him, and how he actually taught me a thing or two - some good, some not so good. He could be a right fucking pain in the ass at times, but he was one of the old brigade. Never a gentleman, but always a decent bloke. The type of character that's becoming harder to find in today's world.
With a glass in one hand, and a cigarette in the other,
Cheers Jim
Wednesday, 27 April 2011
Premier League Darts (Wk 12)
Three left to play. Let's have a gander at the table:
Webster v Jenkins. Bottom of the table scrap, this one. The Welshman's lost his last 7 bouts, and has taken some absolute lacings in the last few. It's hard to believe that his last victory was a thumping, 110 average, 8-2 against Lewis. Jenks has been a bit better - picked up a creditable draw against Barney last week - but he's nowhere near the pace of those ahead of him. There's no pressure on Webster, so I fancy him to put in at least one decent shift out of the next three. 8-5 Webster.
Anderson v Taylor. Unless you don't follow the darts, there's nothing more to say about Taylor's performances so far. Anderson's been consistency personified... so how's it gonna go? The Power's ruthless, and Anderson's still intimidated by him. 8-4 Taylor.
Barney v Wade. Wade's obviously upped his Weetabix intake, turning around a poor run of form to win his last three. Barney's been a bit in and out throughout the tournament and will have been rattled by that draw with Jenks last week. Wade has given himself an unexpected chance of making the last four, and I think this'll be what settles the encounter. 8-5 Wade.
Lewis v Whitlock. Jackpot has lost the last three by the same score, 8-3, and faces the prospect of not qualifying for final's night. The boy's an undoubted talent but he just can't keep it switched on for long enough (the world champo being his one exception, of course). With the end in sight, neither player can afford to lose this one, and I just get the feeling that Lewis is going to turn it on. 8-5 Lewis.
Walk down memory lane - There's only one Jocky Wilson!
Player | Won | +/- | Points |
TAYLOR | 10 | 43 | 20 |
ANDERSON | 8 | 25 | 16 |
BARNEY | 6 | 10 | 13 |
WHITLOCK | 5 | 2 | 10 |
WADE | 5 | -9 | 10 |
LEWIS | 4 | -1 | 9 |
JENKINS | 2 | -29 | 6 |
WEBSTER | 2 | -41 | 4 |
Webster v Jenkins. Bottom of the table scrap, this one. The Welshman's lost his last 7 bouts, and has taken some absolute lacings in the last few. It's hard to believe that his last victory was a thumping, 110 average, 8-2 against Lewis. Jenks has been a bit better - picked up a creditable draw against Barney last week - but he's nowhere near the pace of those ahead of him. There's no pressure on Webster, so I fancy him to put in at least one decent shift out of the next three. 8-5 Webster.
Anderson v Taylor. Unless you don't follow the darts, there's nothing more to say about Taylor's performances so far. Anderson's been consistency personified... so how's it gonna go? The Power's ruthless, and Anderson's still intimidated by him. 8-4 Taylor.
Barney v Wade. Wade's obviously upped his Weetabix intake, turning around a poor run of form to win his last three. Barney's been a bit in and out throughout the tournament and will have been rattled by that draw with Jenks last week. Wade has given himself an unexpected chance of making the last four, and I think this'll be what settles the encounter. 8-5 Wade.
Lewis v Whitlock. Jackpot has lost the last three by the same score, 8-3, and faces the prospect of not qualifying for final's night. The boy's an undoubted talent but he just can't keep it switched on for long enough (the world champo being his one exception, of course). With the end in sight, neither player can afford to lose this one, and I just get the feeling that Lewis is going to turn it on. 8-5 Lewis.
Walk down memory lane - There's only one Jocky Wilson!
Saturday, 23 April 2011
Friday, 22 April 2011
Premier League (Wk 34)
Let's have a butchers at what's coming up this weekend:
Man U v Everton
Funny old week for United - two games and no goals. First, City put in one of their beter shifts this season to dump them out of the cup. I've been critical of Mancini's men but that was a desreved victory, especially the way they bullied United at the start of the second 45. Then against Newcastle they proved to be short of ideas on the goal scoring front, the Magpies thoroughly earning a point. On the back of those two performances I'd expect Fergie's boys to face a tough test against the Toffees tomorrow. As seems to be the trend, Everton are finishing the season strongly, and have won 5 of their last 7. The league is far from being finished and United need 3 points tomorrow. 2-1
Chelsea v W Ham
I might have been a tad hasty with my comment last week, as the Stamford Bridge boys clinically posted another 6 points on the board. For me, Drogba is a huge influence on how this team performs and he's been making 'el niño' look like just that recently (over 900 minutes without finding the onion bag, Dios mío). The Hammers' situation is best summed up using facts: second from bottom (played one more than Wolves); lost their last 3 games (conceding 9); after Chelsea, they're away to Man City. It's the time of year associated with resurrections, but unless Jesus Christ himself is starting up front, it's not gonna happen. 4-1
Bolton v Arsenal
Is it just me, or is Arsene losing it a bit (not quite in the same league as Benitez yet)? Been reading the story about the Fabregas interview this morning - more fuel for the transfer theorists - but what I really enjoyed was the Frenchman's comment when questioned about his recent reactions during games:
"I cannot as well sit there and be placid like I am on dope."
No harm to you Arsene, but if I'd been in your shoes during those games against Newcastle or Spurs, I'd have put on some Dark Side of the Moon and lit up a crack pipe. With the image of Wenger doing a Colonel Kurtz fixed firmly in my head, I'll try to come up with a rational predo. No, can't do it. Get the Pink Floyd on...
Blackburn v Man City
Rovers find themselves precariously perched above the relegation zone (think this zone should now be extended to the bottom 6 or 7). They haven't won in nine, with only three wins in 16 since Big Sam was shown the door. If City remain as focused as they were last week, then this should be a formality. However, Mancini's men have shown that consistency is not one of their strong points. 1-1
Predos
Man U 2 1 Everton
Villa 2 1 Stoke
Blackpool 2 0 Newcastle
Liverpool 3 1 Birmingham
Sunderland 1 0 Wigan
Spurs 2 0 WBA
Wolves 1 1 Fulham
Chelsea 4 1 W Ham
Bolton fuck knows Arsenal (could be 2-3, I don't know)
Blackburn 1 1 Man City
Man U v Everton
Funny old week for United - two games and no goals. First, City put in one of their beter shifts this season to dump them out of the cup. I've been critical of Mancini's men but that was a desreved victory, especially the way they bullied United at the start of the second 45. Then against Newcastle they proved to be short of ideas on the goal scoring front, the Magpies thoroughly earning a point. On the back of those two performances I'd expect Fergie's boys to face a tough test against the Toffees tomorrow. As seems to be the trend, Everton are finishing the season strongly, and have won 5 of their last 7. The league is far from being finished and United need 3 points tomorrow. 2-1
Chelsea v W Ham
I might have been a tad hasty with my comment last week, as the Stamford Bridge boys clinically posted another 6 points on the board. For me, Drogba is a huge influence on how this team performs and he's been making 'el niño' look like just that recently (over 900 minutes without finding the onion bag, Dios mío). The Hammers' situation is best summed up using facts: second from bottom (played one more than Wolves); lost their last 3 games (conceding 9); after Chelsea, they're away to Man City. It's the time of year associated with resurrections, but unless Jesus Christ himself is starting up front, it's not gonna happen. 4-1
Bolton v Arsenal
Is it just me, or is Arsene losing it a bit (not quite in the same league as Benitez yet)? Been reading the story about the Fabregas interview this morning - more fuel for the transfer theorists - but what I really enjoyed was the Frenchman's comment when questioned about his recent reactions during games:
"I cannot as well sit there and be placid like I am on dope."
No harm to you Arsene, but if I'd been in your shoes during those games against Newcastle or Spurs, I'd have put on some Dark Side of the Moon and lit up a crack pipe. With the image of Wenger doing a Colonel Kurtz fixed firmly in my head, I'll try to come up with a rational predo. No, can't do it. Get the Pink Floyd on...
 |
| No dope |
Rovers find themselves precariously perched above the relegation zone (think this zone should now be extended to the bottom 6 or 7). They haven't won in nine, with only three wins in 16 since Big Sam was shown the door. If City remain as focused as they were last week, then this should be a formality. However, Mancini's men have shown that consistency is not one of their strong points. 1-1
Predos
Man U 2 1 Everton
Villa 2 1 Stoke
Blackpool 2 0 Newcastle
Liverpool 3 1 Birmingham
Sunderland 1 0 Wigan
Spurs 2 0 WBA
Wolves 1 1 Fulham
Chelsea 4 1 W Ham
Bolton fuck knows Arsenal (could be 2-3, I don't know)
Blackburn 1 1 Man City
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Premier League Darts (Wk 11)
James Wade was the surprise package again last week with an 8-5 win over the Aussie, Whitlock. That's two wins on the trot, but his best average was only 92.
Barney took the points against Lewis in what was a very low scoring affair, 86 and 84 averages respectively.
Taylor and Anderson, as per current form, won convincingly.
Here's what I think will happen today:
Wade 8 5 Webster
Jenkins 4 8 Barney
Whitlock 5 8 Anderson
Taylor 8 4 Lewis
Barney took the points against Lewis in what was a very low scoring affair, 86 and 84 averages respectively.
Taylor and Anderson, as per current form, won convincingly.
Here's what I think will happen today:
Wade 8 5 Webster
Jenkins 4 8 Barney
Whitlock 5 8 Anderson
Taylor 8 4 Lewis
Monday, 18 April 2011
Rest of the Prem (Wk 33)
Two cracking games yesterday...
It all kicked off at the Emirates in the last few minutes - Wenger's watch was set to North London time while Dalglish's was connected to the Scouse Meridian. Regardless of the time difference, it was a finale that only the Premier League can conjure up. I wonder should King Kenny be done by the FA Lip Reading Committee after telling Wenger what he thought of his protestations - Rooney could learn a thing or two from him.
Owen Coyle, on the other hand, probably wishes he could turn back time. Let's face it, even Nostradamus would've had his work cut out to come up with that predo.
Time for me to give my crystal balls a good rub and predict the outcomes of the last three bouts:
Newcastle v Man U. Couldn't watch the cup semi live on Saturday, and spent the rest of the day avoiding the telly and the internet until the game was reshown on ESPN in the evening time... wasn't best pleased, to say the least, that I'd gone to all that fucking trouble. Fergie's boys will bounce back in convincing fashion, 1-3.
Chelsea v Birmingham. Have to take my hat off to Chelsea after Saturday's result - thought that was gonna be a banana skin. Birmingham had a decent result as well and should avoid the drop even if Chelsea stick 2 or 3 past them on Wednesday. Chelsea, 2-0.
Spurs v Arsenal. Neither side can afford to drop points in this one (quote supplied by the Ministry of Stating the Bleeding Obvious). There's so much at stake, so the only logical outcome is a no score draw.
It all kicked off at the Emirates in the last few minutes - Wenger's watch was set to North London time while Dalglish's was connected to the Scouse Meridian. Regardless of the time difference, it was a finale that only the Premier League can conjure up. I wonder should King Kenny be done by the FA Lip Reading Committee after telling Wenger what he thought of his protestations - Rooney could learn a thing or two from him.
Owen Coyle, on the other hand, probably wishes he could turn back time. Let's face it, even Nostradamus would've had his work cut out to come up with that predo.
Time for me to give my crystal balls a good rub and predict the outcomes of the last three bouts:
Newcastle v Man U. Couldn't watch the cup semi live on Saturday, and spent the rest of the day avoiding the telly and the internet until the game was reshown on ESPN in the evening time... wasn't best pleased, to say the least, that I'd gone to all that fucking trouble. Fergie's boys will bounce back in convincing fashion, 1-3.
Chelsea v Birmingham. Have to take my hat off to Chelsea after Saturday's result - thought that was gonna be a banana skin. Birmingham had a decent result as well and should avoid the drop even if Chelsea stick 2 or 3 past them on Wednesday. Chelsea, 2-0.
Spurs v Arsenal. Neither side can afford to drop points in this one (quote supplied by the Ministry of Stating the Bleeding Obvious). There's so much at stake, so the only logical outcome is a no score draw.
Friday, 15 April 2011
Premier League (Wk 33) & FA Cup
Man U have two games - one in the cup and one in the league - over the next few days. In the FA Cup semi tomorrow, they'll be hoping to make it 5 straight wins over local rivals City in the competition. Tevez is going to miss the next few weeks with injury and I think that's going to be the end of the road for them - 4th spot will be as good as it gets in the league. United, on the other hand, are doing everything just about right at the moment - excellent game, excellent result against Chelsea midweek. Fancy them to take out City tomorrow by a couple of goals.
The Gunners are at home to Liverpool on Sunday, and it should be a belter. Arsenal finally converted their chances against Blackpool last week but the performance once again highlighted their nerviness when protecting a lead. Dalglish's men had max points wrapped up before half-time against City last Monday, Andy Carroll proving why the 35m was a bargain compared to the 50m spent on Torres. There'll be goals with the points being shared.
2010/2011 will be a season quickly swept under the rug at Stamford Bridge. They came out of the blocks like an Olympic sprinter but are finishing like an OAP combo in a 3-legged race. They have a tough task ahead of them tomorrow away to WBA. The Baggies haven't lost in Hodgon's 6 games so far and they're finding the net into the bargain. The bookies have them at 4/1... gotta be worth a punt.
The other FA Cup semi is between Stoke and Bolton on Sunday - should be a decent encounter, this one. Stoke have been beaten three times in the semis, two of these were back to back defeats by the Gunners in '71 and '72. Bolton last won the cup in '58 when they beat Man U 2-0, Nat Lofthouse scoring both. However, outdated stats and league performances won't come into it on Sunday, both teams having one eye on a huge prize. It'll go down to the wire, Bolton edging it by the odd goal.
PREDOS (bit healthier last week)
Man U 3 1 City
Stoke 1 2 Bolton
Birmingham 1 2 Sunderland
Blackpool 3 1 Wigan
Everton 2 1 Blackburn
WBA 2 1 Chelsea
W Ham 1 1 Villa
Arsenal 2 2 Liverpool
The Gunners are at home to Liverpool on Sunday, and it should be a belter. Arsenal finally converted their chances against Blackpool last week but the performance once again highlighted their nerviness when protecting a lead. Dalglish's men had max points wrapped up before half-time against City last Monday, Andy Carroll proving why the 35m was a bargain compared to the 50m spent on Torres. There'll be goals with the points being shared.
2010/2011 will be a season quickly swept under the rug at Stamford Bridge. They came out of the blocks like an Olympic sprinter but are finishing like an OAP combo in a 3-legged race. They have a tough task ahead of them tomorrow away to WBA. The Baggies haven't lost in Hodgon's 6 games so far and they're finding the net into the bargain. The bookies have them at 4/1... gotta be worth a punt.
The other FA Cup semi is between Stoke and Bolton on Sunday - should be a decent encounter, this one. Stoke have been beaten three times in the semis, two of these were back to back defeats by the Gunners in '71 and '72. Bolton last won the cup in '58 when they beat Man U 2-0, Nat Lofthouse scoring both. However, outdated stats and league performances won't come into it on Sunday, both teams having one eye on a huge prize. It'll go down to the wire, Bolton edging it by the odd goal.
PREDOS (bit healthier last week)
Man U 3 1 City
Stoke 1 2 Bolton
Birmingham 1 2 Sunderland
Blackpool 3 1 Wigan
Everton 2 1 Blackburn
WBA 2 1 Chelsea
W Ham 1 1 Villa
Arsenal 2 2 Liverpool
Wednesday, 13 April 2011
What the Google!
Are you havin' a laugh? Just been looking at some of the ads on me blog:
Christian web movies, Blog templates for girls, fucking End Time Bible prophecy videos... !
I'm not exactly a follower of the Prince of Darkness, but I do tend to keep that religious bullshit at arm's length. Come on Google, get something blokeish up there!
Christian web movies, Blog templates for girls, fucking End Time Bible prophecy videos... !
I'm not exactly a follower of the Prince of Darkness, but I do tend to keep that religious bullshit at arm's length. Come on Google, get something blokeish up there!
Premier League Darts (Wk 10)
A couple of interesting results last week. Here's how the table's looking with 5 to play:
Wade v Whitlock. Wade had a cracking victory over Lewis last week but he's gonna have to up his game in a big way to compete with the Aussie. Whitlock took out Barney in a high scoring affair - he averaged nigh on 108 and banged in eight 180's. If he maintains anything like that level then Wade has no chance. Whitlock 8-4.
Webster v Anderson. Webster occupies bottom spot and he's now playing to avoid picking up the wooden spoon. Anderson's game is very consistent, 101 average in his last two bouts, and I think he'll make easy work of the Welshman. Anderson 8-3.
Jenkins v Taylor. I'd love to see the Bull give Taylor a run for his money, but unless the Power is only allowed two throws to Jenkins' three, it's not gonna happen. Taylor did exactly what I thought he'd do last week against Webster (well, I was one leg out) and I don't expect this one to be much different. Taylor 8-2.
Barney v Lewis. The Dutchman lost to Whitlock last week and still managed to post an average of 104.5. Jackpot's in/out form was highlighted again when he lost to a struggling Wade. The first match between these two (Belfast) ended in an 8-6 victory to Barney. Very hard to call this one as it will depend on which Lewis shows up. Gonna go with consistency over flamboyancy - Barney 8-5.
Player | Won | +/- | Points |
TAYLOR | 8 | 32 | 16 |
ANDERSON | 6 | 16 | 12 |
WHITLOCK | 5 | 7 | 10 |
BARNEY | 5 | 5 | 10 |
LEWIS | 4 | 9 | 9 |
WADE | 3 | -19 | 6 |
JENKINS | 2 | -23 | 5 |
WEBSTER | 2 | -27 | 4 |
Wade v Whitlock. Wade had a cracking victory over Lewis last week but he's gonna have to up his game in a big way to compete with the Aussie. Whitlock took out Barney in a high scoring affair - he averaged nigh on 108 and banged in eight 180's. If he maintains anything like that level then Wade has no chance. Whitlock 8-4.
Webster v Anderson. Webster occupies bottom spot and he's now playing to avoid picking up the wooden spoon. Anderson's game is very consistent, 101 average in his last two bouts, and I think he'll make easy work of the Welshman. Anderson 8-3.
Jenkins v Taylor. I'd love to see the Bull give Taylor a run for his money, but unless the Power is only allowed two throws to Jenkins' three, it's not gonna happen. Taylor did exactly what I thought he'd do last week against Webster (well, I was one leg out) and I don't expect this one to be much different. Taylor 8-2.
Barney v Lewis. The Dutchman lost to Whitlock last week and still managed to post an average of 104.5. Jackpot's in/out form was highlighted again when he lost to a struggling Wade. The first match between these two (Belfast) ended in an 8-6 victory to Barney. Very hard to call this one as it will depend on which Lewis shows up. Gonna go with consistency over flamboyancy - Barney 8-5.
Monday, 11 April 2011
The Golf
 |
| Shit happens, son |
For starters, I'm fucking awful at playing it. Went out with a girl a few years ago whose family was big into it. I'd pissed around on the pitch & putt before meeting her but had never played the long version of the game. I went out a few times and each one turned out to be worse than the previous one. I remember losing three balls at one hole during a particularly frustrating morning and decided to give the whole thing up as a bad fucking job. Since then, the only time I've been at a golf course is for a bevy at the clubhouse.
Next up - why can't they just carry their own bags? This a sport which consists of walking, standing and crouching; you're not required to run with the bag slung over your shoulder. The bag isn't that heavy so it's not a two man job. If the caddy's advice is so good, why doesn't he fucking playing as well.
Then you've got the spectators. You've really gotta love the game if you're prepared to spend all day milling around the course, but what I can't stand is when they all gather around a ball which has landed off the fairway, or one which has found a dodgy location. Let's be honest, they look like hunting dogs which have been trained to follow their quarry, but just about have the intelligence not to pick it up. When the player finally gets to the spot to take his shot I want to scream at the telly for them all to move out of the fucking road.
The last thing which gets on my goat is the general demeanour of some of the players. There are those who strut about the course like Roman emperors, offering the plebs a few crumbs of recognition - a doff of a cap or a slight 'ball in hand' acknowledgement after making a putt. Then there are those who behave like spoilt little bastards after making a poor shot - Tiger in particualr looks like he's gonna fling his rattle out of the pram.
Having said all this, I'll be looking forward to the US Open in June, hoping for another tight finish, and perplexed as to how I can spend an entire weekend enjoying the action.
Friday, 8 April 2011
Premier League (Wk 32)
Great week for Man U - 4 second half goals against the Hammers and one foot in the CL semis... sweet. No Rooney tomorrow at home to Fulham (do they bring that statue with them to away games?) but it's hard to bet against United at the moment. Fulham have only lost one of the last 4 games against Man U, and the Cottagers are on a decent run of league form - 2 defeats in their last 11 - so I don't expect this to be a walk in the park. United by the odd goal.
Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal... you remain an enigma. Last week, with the quadruple a distant memory, you'd have put your house on them to beat a struggling Blackburn. Alas, the Gunners racked up their third draw on the trot. They're away to Blackpool on Sunday and the Seasiders need some get out of jail free cards fast, as their season (after a fairytale beginning) is on the verge of imploding. I think it'll be a nervy one, but expect the Gunners to come out on top.
After giving City some shit about recent mediocre performances, they go and hammer Sunderland (who have only picked up one point out of a possible 18) 5-0. Still, City don't convince me, and I expect them to be on the losing side against Liverpool on Monday.
Chelsea, after looking like favourites to pick a bit of silverware this year, could easily end up with nowt. It'll be interesting to see how they bounce back after that midweek CL defeat, but they should put a few past bottom of the table Wigan tomorrow. Can 'Niño' Torres finally shake off that Scouse curse?
Spurs' dream run in the CL finally ran out of steam against Madrid, and their chances of getting back into it next season hang by a very fine thread. It looks like Harry has used up most of his chips in Europe, and not left many to play with in the Prem - Spurs haven't won in their last 4 bouts. It certainly won't be an easy game tomorrow against Stoke.
The nether region of the table has got dogfight written all over it, and it's shaping up to be a bobby dazzler of a finish. One thing that I can say for certain is that if you're a supporter of a team beginning with W or B, then you're going to be sweating it until the fat bird sings.
Prem Predos (Ladbrokes have just sent an email telling me to keep up the good work):
Wolves 2 1 Everton
Blackburn 1 1 Birmingham
Bolton 2 1 W Ham
Chelsea 3 0 Wigan
Man U 1 0 Fulham
Sunderland 2 1 WBA
Spurs 2 0 Stoke
Blackpool 1 3 Arsenal
Villa 1 1 Newcastle
Liverpool 2 1 City
Arsenal, Arsenal, Arsenal... you remain an enigma. Last week, with the quadruple a distant memory, you'd have put your house on them to beat a struggling Blackburn. Alas, the Gunners racked up their third draw on the trot. They're away to Blackpool on Sunday and the Seasiders need some get out of jail free cards fast, as their season (after a fairytale beginning) is on the verge of imploding. I think it'll be a nervy one, but expect the Gunners to come out on top.
After giving City some shit about recent mediocre performances, they go and hammer Sunderland (who have only picked up one point out of a possible 18) 5-0. Still, City don't convince me, and I expect them to be on the losing side against Liverpool on Monday.
Chelsea, after looking like favourites to pick a bit of silverware this year, could easily end up with nowt. It'll be interesting to see how they bounce back after that midweek CL defeat, but they should put a few past bottom of the table Wigan tomorrow. Can 'Niño' Torres finally shake off that Scouse curse?
Spurs' dream run in the CL finally ran out of steam against Madrid, and their chances of getting back into it next season hang by a very fine thread. It looks like Harry has used up most of his chips in Europe, and not left many to play with in the Prem - Spurs haven't won in their last 4 bouts. It certainly won't be an easy game tomorrow against Stoke.
The nether region of the table has got dogfight written all over it, and it's shaping up to be a bobby dazzler of a finish. One thing that I can say for certain is that if you're a supporter of a team beginning with W or B, then you're going to be sweating it until the fat bird sings.
Prem Predos (Ladbrokes have just sent an email telling me to keep up the good work):
Wolves 2 1 Everton
Blackburn 1 1 Birmingham
Bolton 2 1 W Ham
Chelsea 3 0 Wigan
Man U 1 0 Fulham
Sunderland 2 1 WBA
Spurs 2 0 Stoke
Blackpool 1 3 Arsenal
Villa 1 1 Newcastle
Liverpool 2 1 City
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Taking a piss in the street
Who amongst us hasn't been caught short when outdoors - when you gotta piss, you gotta piss, right? Besides, your mum always told you it was dangerous to hold it in. Normally, when this situation arises, you find a relatively safe spot and point the boyo at a vertical surface: walls, trees, fences, the homeless, etc. (never could figure out why it has to be against something when you're standing outside, unless you're drunk). But what's going on in the minds of those who just take a slash when the notion takes them, regardless of the surroundings?
I was out early this morning and encountered some bloke (looked like Mr Average on his way to work) pissing into the gutter of a fairly busy street. He obviously didn't give a shit that there were others passing by, and had chosen to 'free piss' rather than use a vertical prop. He had also ignored a perfectly good alleyway only metres away which, in itself, flies in the face of convention - looking for that suitable spot is the best part of public urination. It's almost like we can't earn the right to do it until we've scouted the territory beforehand.
In the neighbourhood where we live, something else occurs which proves that we haven't evolved too much from the time we used to swing through trees, slinging shit at each other. There's a long section of wall which is a favourite pissing post for passing drivers and pedestrians alike. It doesn't half pen and ink when the sun gets up, but the stench only seems to act as a magnet in drawing more people to it.
Having just had a butchers at Google, it would appear that the whole outdoor pissing thing isn't just limited to us men. If you search, Pissing in Public, it throws up more than 15 million results... 15 fucking million, and a lot of these refer to the fairer sex. Still, the average bloke doesn't have to suffer the ignominy of the squat.
I was out early this morning and encountered some bloke (looked like Mr Average on his way to work) pissing into the gutter of a fairly busy street. He obviously didn't give a shit that there were others passing by, and had chosen to 'free piss' rather than use a vertical prop. He had also ignored a perfectly good alleyway only metres away which, in itself, flies in the face of convention - looking for that suitable spot is the best part of public urination. It's almost like we can't earn the right to do it until we've scouted the territory beforehand.
In the neighbourhood where we live, something else occurs which proves that we haven't evolved too much from the time we used to swing through trees, slinging shit at each other. There's a long section of wall which is a favourite pissing post for passing drivers and pedestrians alike. It doesn't half pen and ink when the sun gets up, but the stench only seems to act as a magnet in drawing more people to it.
Having just had a butchers at Google, it would appear that the whole outdoor pissing thing isn't just limited to us men. If you search, Pissing in Public, it throws up more than 15 million results... 15 fucking million, and a lot of these refer to the fairer sex. Still, the average bloke doesn't have to suffer the ignominy of the squat.
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Premier League Darts (Wk 9)
With the possible exception of Barney v Whitlock, it's hard to see any big upsets this week in Aberdeen.
Anderson v Jenkins. The Scot has only picked up 2 points in his last 4 outings, while the Bull hasn't done much better with 3, but you'd still fancy Anderson to take this one. He had a rough ride in Glasgow but that's behind him. 8-3 to Anderson.
Lewis v Wade. Big win for Jackpot last week, while Wade suffered his 6th defeat (albeit a slender one) of the campaign. Said it before, and I'll say it again - don't know what's up with Wade's game. Strikes me as the type of player who lacks an extra dimension to his game when he really needs it. Should be pedestrian for Lewis, 8-4.
Webster v Taylor. There's absolutely nothing in the stats to convince me that this won't be a whitewash. Taylor's a natural born predator and he'll be after the Welshman from the very first throw, 8-0.
Barney v Whitlock. Bout of the night. Barney had won 3 on the trot until he came up against Taylor last week. The Aussie has found a bit of form, comfortably winning his last 2. On paper, it looks like a last leg thriller, but I think Barney will kill it off a bit sooner, 8-5.
Darting Nonsense
I started throwing darts in our local social club when I was about 16. There was no better way to wind down after a hard day at college than hitting the club for a throw and a bevy. I was pretty handy with an arrow back in the day, so I used to win a few quid (which normally found its way into the poker machine before the night was out) playing the normal pub games, Killer, Cricket, etc.
One Saturday, after we'd been on the lash, we decided to try a different approach to the orthodox game which required you to throw at the board whilst facing the opposite direction - we even gave it a name, Strad (clever little wordsmiths, weren't we?) Anyway, after playing for a short time, the management told us that if we didn't desist from this exciting and dangerous new pastime, we'd be slung out on our asses. Thus, Strad was killed off before it had the chance to gain recognition from the BDO.
Anderson v Jenkins. The Scot has only picked up 2 points in his last 4 outings, while the Bull hasn't done much better with 3, but you'd still fancy Anderson to take this one. He had a rough ride in Glasgow but that's behind him. 8-3 to Anderson.
Lewis v Wade. Big win for Jackpot last week, while Wade suffered his 6th defeat (albeit a slender one) of the campaign. Said it before, and I'll say it again - don't know what's up with Wade's game. Strikes me as the type of player who lacks an extra dimension to his game when he really needs it. Should be pedestrian for Lewis, 8-4.
Webster v Taylor. There's absolutely nothing in the stats to convince me that this won't be a whitewash. Taylor's a natural born predator and he'll be after the Welshman from the very first throw, 8-0.
Barney v Whitlock. Bout of the night. Barney had won 3 on the trot until he came up against Taylor last week. The Aussie has found a bit of form, comfortably winning his last 2. On paper, it looks like a last leg thriller, but I think Barney will kill it off a bit sooner, 8-5.
Darting Nonsense
I started throwing darts in our local social club when I was about 16. There was no better way to wind down after a hard day at college than hitting the club for a throw and a bevy. I was pretty handy with an arrow back in the day, so I used to win a few quid (which normally found its way into the poker machine before the night was out) playing the normal pub games, Killer, Cricket, etc.
One Saturday, after we'd been on the lash, we decided to try a different approach to the orthodox game which required you to throw at the board whilst facing the opposite direction - we even gave it a name, Strad (clever little wordsmiths, weren't we?) Anyway, after playing for a short time, the management told us that if we didn't desist from this exciting and dangerous new pastime, we'd be slung out on our asses. Thus, Strad was killed off before it had the chance to gain recognition from the BDO.
Sunday, 3 April 2011
That Michael Jackson Statue
After doing a bit of digging, I found out that Mr Jackson had once attended a home game as the guest of Fulham FC owner, Mohamed Al Fayed. Following this, the two apparently became good friends, and after Jacko snuffed it, the statue was commissioned. The question is simple... why? Most of the Fulham faithful must have thought it was an April Fool which had passed its expiration date.
A lot of Fulham fans (Cottagers, for those who don't speak fluent Premier League) are understandably annoyed and embarrassed by what has been erected outside their beloved stadium. They're not fucking stupid - they know that the song writers of every other club in the league (and probably the rest of the nation) are already feverishly composing cruel chants to further the embarrassment.
Now, Al Fayed obviously isn't short of a bob or two. He owns the club, he's got the money - he can do whatever the fuck he wants to, but you don't want to rile the supporters even more by making statements such as:
"Football fans love it. If some stupid fans don't understand and appreciate such a gift they can go to hell."
"I don't want them to be fans. If they don't understand and don't believe in things I believe in they can go to Chelsea, they can go to anywhere else."
- might have been more prudent to let the PR boys handle that interview.
One final thought... what's going to happen when Craven Cottage favourite and legendary football presenter, Jimmy Hill, goes to that big stadium in the sky? Anything less than an effigy of monolithic proportion will be seen as a kick in the knackers.
Friday, 1 April 2011
Premier League (Wk 31)
The good old Premiership is back after a short break, and is as welcome as a turkey sandwich at the Cratchit household on crimbo day.
The early action tomorrow kicks off with the Hammers against Man U. West Ham haven't lost in their last 4 league games and look a different prospect to the pantomime team they were at the beginning of the year. Man U are just doing enough without really convincing anyone - time for Fergie to nip down to Argos (it still exists, doesn't it?) and upgrade that hairdryer. The bookies are giving 13/5 the draw.
What's going to be served up at the Emirates this weekend? The Gunners last 6 games have been, W D W W D D, so does that mean they'll now win 3 on the roll? Blackburn, on the other hand, haven't registered a win in their last 6 and I don't expect that to change tomorrow.
Chelsea are back up and running, with max points from their last 3 games, and I suppose it's a little too early in the campaign to completely write them off. They've got a tough one away to Stoke tomorrow but I think they'll take it by the odd goal.
One team that's boring me shitless at the moment is Man City, and for all their hype and publicity, I still think they are an average side of underachievers. Tevez is a doubt for the game at home to Sunderland so I wouldn't be surprised if it ended in a draw - the bookies are offering 3/1.
Spurs, obviously distracted by their run in the CL, haven't been on the best run of late - no wins in the last 3. They're away to Wigan tomorrow who are propping up the table, and badly in need of a 3-pointer. With Harry's men focused on Real, I think the home side have a chance.
Time to embarrass myself again with some Prem Predos:
W Ham 2 2 Man U
Arsenal 3 0 Blackburn
Stoke 1 2 Chelsea
Wigan 2 1 Spurs
WBA 1 1 Liverpool
Birmingham 1 2 Bolton
Everton 2 1 Villa
Newcastle 1 1 Wolves
Fulham 2 0 Blackpool
Man City 1 1 Sunderland
The early action tomorrow kicks off with the Hammers against Man U. West Ham haven't lost in their last 4 league games and look a different prospect to the pantomime team they were at the beginning of the year. Man U are just doing enough without really convincing anyone - time for Fergie to nip down to Argos (it still exists, doesn't it?) and upgrade that hairdryer. The bookies are giving 13/5 the draw.
What's going to be served up at the Emirates this weekend? The Gunners last 6 games have been, W D W W D D, so does that mean they'll now win 3 on the roll? Blackburn, on the other hand, haven't registered a win in their last 6 and I don't expect that to change tomorrow.
Chelsea are back up and running, with max points from their last 3 games, and I suppose it's a little too early in the campaign to completely write them off. They've got a tough one away to Stoke tomorrow but I think they'll take it by the odd goal.
One team that's boring me shitless at the moment is Man City, and for all their hype and publicity, I still think they are an average side of underachievers. Tevez is a doubt for the game at home to Sunderland so I wouldn't be surprised if it ended in a draw - the bookies are offering 3/1.
Spurs, obviously distracted by their run in the CL, haven't been on the best run of late - no wins in the last 3. They're away to Wigan tomorrow who are propping up the table, and badly in need of a 3-pointer. With Harry's men focused on Real, I think the home side have a chance.
Time to embarrass myself again with some Prem Predos:
W Ham 2 2 Man U
Arsenal 3 0 Blackburn
Stoke 1 2 Chelsea
Wigan 2 1 Spurs
WBA 1 1 Liverpool
Birmingham 1 2 Bolton
Everton 2 1 Villa
Newcastle 1 1 Wolves
Fulham 2 0 Blackpool
Man City 1 1 Sunderland
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