A bizarre game of football

I've just watched that Man U v Arsenal game, and what a surreal experience it was.

Man U - a team injected with youthful players who, quite honestly, look as if they've been playing together for years.

Arsenal - how would you accurately describe that team/performance today?

I make no bones about it... I've been a Man U fan for as long as I can remember. However, I didn't find myself gloating over today's result, and the only real satisfaction I took from it was the fact that it's another 3 points in the bag (especially after City's demolition job over Spurs).

Since I was a lad this fixture was always the one I looked forward to. A few of my mates were Gooners and this only added extra spice to things, before and after (I vividly recall not being able to show my tear-streaked mug after the '79 Cup Final). I can't remember a time when the outcome of a bout between these two footballing legends was ever a certainty... until today. Yes, I predo'd this one to be 3 to no in favour of the home team, but I never expected to see such a scoreline.

Man U's future looks bright and I hope for the sake of pure football that they rub their precocious, big-spending neighbour's noses in it by the end of the season, but what's in store for the Arsenal and weary old Wenger?

I'm only an observer of the game - by no means an expert - but it's hard to see how things were ever going to work out okay given what's gone on over the last couple of seasons. Fabregas was always going to be on his way out and you would've put your house on Nasri following suit (a couple of assists today for his new outfit wouldn't have made Wenger feel any better). Relying on jaded figures such as Arshavin and Rosicky might be alright against lesser oppostion but they're never going to win you a league title. RvP is a quality striker but he's only as good as the service he's provided with, and Walcott never seems to play two good games in a row. Include the fact that they haven't signed anyone of note and the the transfer window closes on Wednesdsay then even the most casual observer will conclude that this is going to be a very long season for Arsenal fans.

One fan wrote into the BBC to say that what is going on at the club is nothing short of "footballing negligence." I haven't got a clue what's happening behind the scenes but I think that statement is a fair one to describe the situation.

Ignorant Cunts

One thing that really gets on my tits is the shop assistant who gives you the total blank when you walk in to buy something. You know the type - they'll do anything but talk to you or make eye contact.

I went into a local shop the other day to get a pack of smokes; the bloke behind the counter was chatting with someone off to the side. I asked for my usual brand, (Lark, good smoke, never had cancer once) he handed them to me, gave me my change, and never once broke off the conversation.

Walked into the same place a couple of days later to get another pack, only this time some middle-aged woman is sitting there knitting. She gives them to me, hands me my change, never dropped a fucking stitch during the process. I thought to myself, you ignorant cunt, and as quickly as I thought it, I said it in an off-hand sort of way. She looked briefly at me and then resumed her knitting.

It wasn't until I had left the store that I realised I had just wasted a perfectly good, perfectly justified insult - I live in Ecuador, how many people here understand the meaning of "ignorant cunt." What I should've said was something like, "ignorante de mierda," but by then I'd missed the window of opportunity.

AGAIN! (02, Sep)

Called in yesterday afternoon and the fucking bitch snubbed me again... that's 3 for 3! Asked for cigarettes while she just continued wirelessing to some bint beside her.

I think they have a camera outside the shop which alerts them to when someone is just about to enter the place, which in turn buys them enough time to arrange some kind of diversionary tactic. Either that or they just fucking hate foreigners.

Prem 11/12 - wk 3

Quite a footballing week...

Arsene's really ripping the arse out of it down at the Emirates,
Man U's cubs are making the game look easy,
Wolves have a 100% record,
The Jock clubs made a right fucking mess of things in Europe (Lennon's boys might make it via the tradesman's entrance though),
Joey (the boy likes his tweets) Barton is off down south to QPR,

... but the best one by far has to be,
Shamrock Rovers have made into the Europa League!

Prem Predos

Villa 2 1 Wolves
Wigan 1 0 QPR
Blackburn 1 1 Everton
Chelsea 3 1 Norwich
Swansea 1 1 Sunderland
Liverpool 2 1 Bolton
Newcastle 2 1 Fulham
Spurs 1 2 City
WBA 2 1 Stoke
Man U 3 0 Arsenal

Prem 11/12 - Week 2

Not really in the mood to analyse this weekend's fixtures in detail due to the shitty bus ride home... why do they even let fat birds on the fucking bus? Some nightmare - waist and height roughly the same dimension - tried to squeeze her tracksuited, mini planet-sized fundament by me in the aisle. Read up on your Isaac Newton (or some other olde boffin), luv - it was always going to be an im-fuckin-possibility. Anyway, I digress...

The Prem offered up some rather interesting results (even though 3 of them finished nowt - nowt) with only City winning at home. Having said that, it would nice to see a few more goals. Here are my predos, for what it's worth...

Sunderland 2 0 Newcastle
Arsenal 0 0 Liverpool
Villa 3 1 Blackburn
Everton 2 1 QPR
Swansea 1 1 Wigan
Chelsea 2 0 WBA
Norwich 1 2 Stoke
Wolves 1 1 Fulham
Bolton 1 1 City
Man U 2 1 Spurs

Dog piss

I was walking down the street yesterday when I noticed a rat-like dog stopping to take a piss by the side of the gutter. Its owners paused and looked on, almost lovingly, while the curious little creature finished it's act of public urination. Now, if a dog stops to take a dump outside, then the owner(s) is expected to scoop the shit up and put it into a bag, so why shouldn't they, when given due warning, also be ready to get a bag ready, place it around the animal's hind quarters, and catch as much urine as they can.

Come on dog owners, take some responsibility for those spoilt little cunts you call pets.

Prem's back!

Going without Premier League football for 3 months is akin to laying off the booze and smokes, well, actually it isn't as difficult, but it's not far off it.

Yes, the best league in the world is back - no thanks to those looting cunts who almost ruined it for everyone else - and like the sporting soap opera it is, who knows what the fuck's going to happen...

Let's start with the champions who are away to WBA on Sunday. Watched United last Sunday in the Community Shield and drooled over the second half performance. Ok, this game falls somewhat into the Mickey Mouse category but when it's Man U against their precocious neighbours, then it becomes a different proposition altogether. WBA, under Roy Hodgson, attained a very creditable 11th spot in last year's campaign and they'll certainly be no pushovers in Sunday's game. Still, they've lost the 7 games at home to United, and I think Sir Alex's boys will do the business. 1-3

Chelsea went and got themselves a new manager, but nowt else seems to have changed for them. They're away to Stoke on Sunday and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the Potters got a result out of this one. Stoke have signed Woodgate from Spurs - I'd like to see this boy get another chance to prove himself; superb in his Leeds days, just a pity that he's been plagued with injury ever since. 1-1

Newcomers Swansea find themselves thrown straight into the melting pot with a visit to the Etihad Stadium (do you remember the days when the names of football grounds were sacrosanct) on Monday. Man City have spent a fortune on young Argentina striker Agüero. He looked the part whenever he came on as a sub for the Argies during this year's Copa, but it'll be interesting to see how he fits into the Prem. Rattle-throwers - you heard me messrs Tevez and Balotelli - must go. The Swans clinched promotion from the Champo, but you get the impression they'll strugle from the start. 3-1

Arsenal are away to Newcastle in tomorrow's late fixture - belting 4-4 last season. I've been an admirer of Wenger for a long time but, alas, I fear his time is coming to an end. Fabregas and Nasri are both on their way out (should have got rid of Fab a year ago) and it's hard to see how they'll make a serious challenge without a major signing. Still too much nonsense going on at the Toon and I wouldn't be surprised if they finish up in a relegation battle. 1-2

Gotta mention QPR before I finish. My ol' mate Smitty was devastated when they got relegated in '96 but always maintained they'd get back up there again. Taarabt, Moroccan midfielder, is the player to watch - he bagged 19 goals in 44 apearances last season (also the first name to appear on my fantasy team). They've got Bolton at home tomorrow. 2-1

Gonna put my reputation as a predofile on the chopping block and pick the final four at the end of this year's campaign:

Man  U (Sneijder or not)
Man City (Tevez or not)
Chelsea (severe lack of new blood)
Liverpool (I think King Kenny is the equivalent of an extra man on the pitch)

Twitter ye not

Rio Ferdinand was the first and now every footballer (just like the whole tattoo thing) seems to have jumped on the tweeting bandwagon. Here are some examples that have caught my eye recently...

Let's start with tweeter... twitterer... tweeterer... or whatever the fuck it is, Rio Ferdinand himself. He recently told us that he was glad to be coming back from the US tour and was looking forward to seeing the family and eating some home-cooked food. Invaluable intel.

Jack Wilshire seems to want to steal Rio's crown. This morning, like the other morning, we were given more pointless chat about his ankle - "At club having some treatment! Trying to get this ankle better!" How long will it be before we're reading - "Feel a dump coming on; I'll tell you what colour it was when I'm done wiping my arris."

Read a good one on the BBC Sportsday Live. Official Man City tweet - "Sorry everyone, but @aguerosergiokun won't be training today, he has a stomach bug." I assume that the young Argentina striker got a note from his mum.

However, hats off to good ol' Joey Barton for keeping us apprised about his latest drama at Newcastle. The troubled midfielder has been going tweet crazy in recent days, and today quoted George Washington - "If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." That's about as much in keeping as George Washington tweeting, "If Arsenal had signed me last season, they'd have won the league."

I think the saying which best applies to a lot of these tweets is the following - "Better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove the doubt."

Brazilian woe

Brazil v Paraguay has just finished, and what a finish!

Had a few sherbets while watching it, so here are the highlights:

First half - Brazil dominated. Paraguay looked like they were on a sightseeing tour of the Estadio Ciudad de la Plata. 0-0

Second half - Brazil dominated. Paraguay looked like they were on a sightseeing tour of the Estadio Ciudad de la Plata. 0-0

Extra time - Brazil dominated. Paraguay looked like they were on a sightseeing tour of the Estadio Ciudad de la Plata. Handbags just before the end of the first 15 - 'Anfield' Lucas sent off for Brazil; Alcaraz sent off for Paraguay.

Penalties - first 3 are missed - 2 x Bra; 1 x Par - does anyone want to score a fucking goal? Brazil miss their next two (seriously, the 4 worst consecutive penalty attempts you're likely to see, with only one on target) while Paraguay bag both of theirs.

Interesting stat

All the quarter finals so far have gone to at least extra time and the nation with the smaller population has won in each case - Peru, Uruguay and Paraguay. The last quarter has just kicked off - Chile 17m; Venezuela 30m... you know where to put your money.

Argies dumped out

Uruguay have just knocked out Copa hosts Argentina on pens in today's second quarter final. Earlier, Peru beat Colombia 2 RPG's to no after a goalless 90 mins. On paper, these results look like shocks but anybody who has been following the competition closely probably won't be that surprised.

Uruguay scored after only 5 minutes when Perez bundled the ball across the line. Then, parity was restored by Higuain on 18 minutes. As usual, 'la Pulga' Messi was involved in just about everything Argentina created but their performance was much the same as their opening two games against Bolivia and Colombia. The Uruguayans suffered a blow 5 minutes before half-time when goalscorer Perez got his marching orders after a second bookable.

Argentina's personnel advantage was obvious in terms of possession in the second 45, but they never really stamped their authority on the game. Any chances they did create were resolutely blocked by Muslera (man of the match, for me) in the Uruguayan goal. Suarez and Forlan were busy in periods - Suarez is always so much more animated when he plays for his country. Tevez was eventually brought on after 84 mins to replace young Agüero (he was disappointing tonight) but he looked out of sorts - the story of his tournament. Player numbers were then levelled on 87 mins when captain Mascherano was sent off for his second yellow.

The additional 30 mins was a fairly entertaining see-saw affair but you kinda got the feeling it was going to pens. The first two for each side were dispatched without any trouble. Then, 'Apache' Tevez stepped up only to see his tameish effort saved by Muslera - that'll cheer up a few Man U fans tomorrow. The rest of the spot kicks found their mark... carnival scenes for 'la celeste', day out at the local morgue for the Argies.

Uruguay will play Peru in Tuesday's semi.

Copa roundup

Not a good competition thus far for the hosts. They played Colombia on Wednesday but could only manage a no score draw. It was the same old story for the Argies - plenty of talent on show, but no end result. In fact, by the end of the game they had the combination of Messi, Tevez, Agüero and Higuaín on the pitch. It actually wouldn't have been that big an injustice if the Colombians had nicked all 3 points.

The local papers have been writing about the dissatisfaction of the 'albiceleste' fans, and I was reading an article where Tévez has been saying he feels hurt by all the boos and insults they received after the Colombia game (see he's thrown his rattle out of the pram again at Eastlands, or the Etihad Stadium to be correct). Their last group game (or last game) is a must win affair next Monday against Costa Rica...

...who put in a very good shift, 2 to no, against poor old Bolivia last night. The FIFA world rankings (let's be realistic - how much faith can you put in those when they have England ahead of Brazil) show Costa Rica in 55th place while the Bolivians are 93rd, so on paper it wasn't really a surprise. One player who stood out for the Central Americans was Joel Campbell (plays for Dep. Saprissa in San Jose). He's only 19, but he took the second goal like a player with a few more seasons behind him. Should have been at least 3-0 as the Costa Ricans missed a penalty in the second half, the Bolivian keeper doing well to save the spot kick and the rebound too. The Bolivians finished with 9 players, two being dismissed in the last 20 minutes.

What's coming up this weekend?

The big game today is Chile v Uruguay. Uruguay could only manage a 1-1 against Peru in their first game while Chile left it late to beat the youngsters of Mexico, 2-1, in their opener. Lots of attacking potential in this game with Sanchez and Suazo up front for Chile and Forlán, Cavani and Suárez for Uruguay. Hopefully this'll be the belter the competition has been crying out for.

Ecuador play Venezuela tomorrow afternoon and 'la Tri' could really do with a victory, expecially as their last group game is against the team that are one place behind England in FIFA's rankings. 'Toño' Valencia is definitely gonna sit out tomorrow's game after taking a knock to 'that ankle' during the Paraguay encounter. According to the local press, there's still a chance he might make the Brazil game but in the meantime he's being replaced by Michael Arroyo (San Luis, Mexico). I'm not that gemmed up on the Venezuelans but locals will definitely be expecting Ecuador to win this one.

The rest of the games:

Today - Peru v Mexico
Tomorrow - Brazil v Paraguay
Sunday - Colombia v Bolivia

Copa goal drought

Four games down and the main talking point is the severe lack of goals. We had two no score draws yesterday, a 1-0 on Saturday, and a 1-1 on Friday... this amounts to 0.75 goals per game so far. I was checking the stats for the 2007 competition and the average was 3.3 goals over the whole tournament. I've heard some commentators referring to the winter conditions as a possible reason for this. I don't know?

Had my beer and snacks at the ready yesterday afternoon for what I hoped would be an entertaining double header. Alas, it didn't materialise. Brazil's hopes would probably have been as high as the respective Barnets of messers Neymar and Robinho before the game, and after putting together some nice moves in the first half these hopes could have been justified. However, they came out in the second half and put in an Argentinaesque performance. Indeed, Venezuela will count themselves a tad unlucky that they didn't sneak one.

Ecuador played Paraguay in the second game, and still the goal constipation continued. Both sides looked busy on the ball but the elusive clinical finish was all too evident. Arsene Wenger would have had a dose of the deja vu's had he been looking on. Valencia picked up a knock within the first 20 minutes and came off at half time. Had a quick look at the Ecuadorian papers but haven't been able to find much info on that.

Got a couple of potentially good games tonight - Peru v Uruguay, Chile v Mexico - which will hopefully get those goals flying in. Uruguay were the big South American success in last year's World Cup and their selection has a familiar look to it, most notably with Forlan and Suarez up front.

Go on, gizza a goal.

The Premier League (and Monkey Tennis)

The fixtures are out and normality will once again return to the world on the 13th of August. My blogging schedule goes to shit without the Prem, leaving me scratching around for ideas Partridgesquely:

So, what's been going on since the end of last season:

Giggsy, the epitomy of professionalism, has actually been a very naughty boy for a few years. I had been trying to follow the whole sordid story in The Sun, but as it has more twists and turns than an F1 track, I had to give up. Many of the Man U faithful have chanted Ryan's name in connection with a knighthood. His shenanigans shouldn't affect the outcome too much as mounting has always been one of the principal tasks of a knight.

Rooney's supposed to have had a hair transplant. Still not sure if that was only a piss take, or a PR stunt.

Sparky left Fulham with no apparent explanation given. I think the embarrassment of that Michael Jackson statue finally took its toll.

Ancelotti, as expected, was made to walk the plank. FA Cup and the league title in his first season, old mother Hubbard's cupboard in the second, "Thanks Carlo. Now, fuck off!"

The best one though, for me, is the McLeish soap opera. After seeing Birmingham relegated he decides that it would be a prudent move to take the vacant Villa post - Braveheart. The only difference being that it'll probably be the English hordes baring their arseholes this time.