It's not a Milky Way, it's a Mars Bar

There are some who know the Mars Bar as a Milky Way, but don't be fooled, it's always been a fucking Mars Bar and it'll always be a fucking Mars Bar. The Milky Way is/was (?) similar to a Mars Bar but is/was smaller and doesn't/didn't contain the creamy caramel (the Milky Way went through some sort of transformation a while ago, I think).

Now that I find myself living in S.A, I have discovered you can buy packs of Mars Bars from the local supermarket. They're a lot more fucking expensive than I remember when I was a cub but the exquisite flavour has not diminished, especially when accompanied by a mug of tea.

Back in the day, when the grocery van came round our square, we normally had to go for the Milky Way (think it was about 10p) as the Mars Bar was considered a fucking luxury, weighing in at roughly 16p. When one was fortunate enough to have the necessary funds to purchase one, one had to take drastic measures to enjoy the tasty chocolate treat in peace. You normally had to do one of the following:

     find a quiet place and eat it like you were having an affair with a friend's mum

     spit on it to deter the vulture cunts that were your mates (wasn't always effective)

It's also worth pointing out that any chocolate bars/sweets over the average price had to be treated in the same way (Rolos, Lion Bars, Cream Eggs, etc.)

I recall one particular Saturday morning, I must have been 12 or 13, when I had enough coin to purchase a Mars Bar. I thought I had bought myself a couple of minutes to eat the bastard in peace when, much to my shock, one of the older boys (yes, you D.Vennard) wrapped his hands round my throat to prevent me from swallowing it. I think the fuck would actually have eaten the regurgitated product had I not repelled him.

Mars Bars!

The unfinished ogle

Very frustrating, this...

I was waiting on getting a coffee served up this morning when I spotted this bird standing outside chatting to a couple of people. She was decked out all in black - knee-length boots, leggings, blouse - and she certainly looked the part from the front. But you know the score... you can't really pass judgement until you've had a butchers at the chassis.

I continued casually glancing out the window (confident that I'd cop a look when she walked off) until my coffee was ready, then took a split second to grab some sugar. When I looked back she'd gone.

It's a bit like losing a sneeze.

Delighting in the misfortune of others

I had a bad feeling about United's game against Basle on Wednesday. I actually work with a Swiss bloke, and I told him about an hour before the game that I wouldn't be surprised if United got beaten. I think he thought that I was humouring him in some way, so he responded to my remark with a casual laugh.

When I got home I realised that I only had a choice of two games to watch on the box, Man City v Munich, and Villarreal v Napoli. I decided to watch the City game, on the off chance that they'd lose, and follow the United game on the BBC Live Text. However, once United went 1-0 down I flicked over to the Napoli game and started rooting for them. The only time I was happy during the afternoon was when Napoli scored their second goal close to the final curtain. I was right royally fucked off that United had been dumped out in such humiliating fashion, but fed greedily off the crumbs of City's misfortune.

Then, on Thursday, it was Liga de Quito playing in the first leg of the Copa Sudamericana final against Universidad de Chile. The game was in Quito and the home team were expected to win handsomely (I know a LOT of locals, and 80% of them are Liga fanatics). All day Thursday, I suffered jibes about United's exit from the CL and listened to them spout their predictions of 2-0 and 3-0 victories for the home side -throat clearing noise- Liga performed miserably and the Chilean side took a 1-0 victory away with them... more crumbs of comfort to shove down my gullet.