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Friday 30 September 2011

Premier League - wk 7

Been so fucking busy recently that I've totally neglected my usual take on the Prem. I'm glad to say that normal service has now been resumed. So, what's been going on...

I hear Tevez upset a few people during the week. What I can't get my head around is why so many people are that fucking surprised. The only comment I read which I agreed with 100% was that of Tony Pullis - not my concern, I've got other things to worry about (or something to that effect).

United, world beaters a fortnight ago, have trodden on a defensive banana skin in the last week. Just about got a point at Stoke last Saturday, and almost fucked it up completely against Basle, midweek. Again, not that surprising when you consider the amount of goals they could have leaked at home to the Gunners and Chelsea.

So what's on the cards for this weekend?

Man U are at home to Norwich. Regardless of the frailties in defence, if United have their big guns avaialble up front they should be able to out punch any of the other 19 sides. Delia's boys are on a mini roll with max points in their last two games, but you'd expect United to put a few past them tomorrow. 4-1

City, after the midweek soap opera, are away to struggling Blackburn tomorrow, so it's as good a chance as any to get back on track straight away. With the young lad Agüero up front there's more than enough of a goal scoring threat. 1-3

What in the fuck has happened to Bolton recently? They've lost 5 out of 6 and conceded 16 goals - definitely not the side we've got used to watching over the last few seasons. Chelsea are plodding along quietly, and you just know they'll be there or there abouts come the end of the season. Think this one could end up a draw, 1-1.

North London derby on Sunday. The Spurs have started the better of the two sides but they haven't looked that convincing either - loved that little fright Shamrock gave them yesterday. Just to spice this one up a bit more, there's also the chance that Adebayour will be facing his old employers. It's hard to see Arsenal having anything other than an average campaign this season, so I fancy the home side to take the points. 2-1

As for the rest:

Everton 2 2 Liverpool
Villa 2 0 Wigan
Sunderland 1 0 WBA
Wolves 1 1 Newcastle
Fulham 2 1 QPR
Swansea 2 1 Stoke

Saturday 17 September 2011

On the Bus

This isn't to be confused with the classic 60's/70's British sitcom starring Reg Varney et al.

I got on a city bus this morning - it was hot, the vehicle was full to the hilt, and questionable odours filled my nostrils. Some old cunt was standing under my own questionable armpit, muttering something offensive about foreigners. I started thinking that it would have been better to flag down a taxi.

We got to the next stop and a few more people piled on, one of them being a rather tall, black woman wearing a low cut blouse and skin tight jeans - as my old mate Nobby would have said, "not too shabby."

The bus pulled away and everyone started jostling for a comfortable stance. As we all started to settle again, I became aware that myself and the aforementioned shapely sort were now standing back to back. As the vehicle trundled along, swerving this way and that, I noticed that our assholes were doing more than their fair share of bumping into each other.

Now, we've all been there at some stage in our lives - you let your respective body part have a bit of harmless fun. The question is, how much fun (or freedom) do you allow the body part before retiring it to a safe distance? Here's what I think, based on personality types:

The Shy, Nerdy Type - will be horrified by what all that stuff Sir Isaac Newton invented is making him do. He will remove his offending body part immediately, but later use the incident as ammo whilst jerking off.

The Guilty Type - will let the dice roll a bit longer before being overcome by self-loathing.

The Normal Type - will last a bit longer but won't have the nuggets to stay the course. He'll put the little bit of bus foreplay down to the natural laws of physics, and forget all about it.

The Imaginative Type - will stay in the theatre of combat (convinced that his new butt buddy is up for it as well) until one, or both, disembark. He'll then go home and write a blog about it.

The Entreprenurial Type - will seize the opportunity to make one of those outdoor movies that most of us have seen, but won't admit to.

Friday 9 September 2011

Premier League - Wk 4

I just don't have the time at the moment to review the games to my satisfaction. However, I've got a decent break coming up next month when I'll be able to eat, sleep and DRINK footy... can't come fucking quick enough!

Here's the predos,

Gunners 2 1 Swans
Everton 1 1 Villa
City 4 0 Wigan
Stoke 1 1 Pool
Sunderland 0 1 Chelsea
Wolves 2 1 Spurs
Bolton 1 3 Man U
Norwich 1 1 WBA
Fulham 2 0 Blackburn
QPR 1 1 Toon