A bizarre game of football

I've just watched that Man U v Arsenal game, and what a surreal experience it was.

Man U - a team injected with youthful players who, quite honestly, look as if they've been playing together for years.

Arsenal - how would you accurately describe that team/performance today?

I make no bones about it... I've been a Man U fan for as long as I can remember. However, I didn't find myself gloating over today's result, and the only real satisfaction I took from it was the fact that it's another 3 points in the bag (especially after City's demolition job over Spurs).

Since I was a lad this fixture was always the one I looked forward to. A few of my mates were Gooners and this only added extra spice to things, before and after (I vividly recall not being able to show my tear-streaked mug after the '79 Cup Final). I can't remember a time when the outcome of a bout between these two footballing legends was ever a certainty... until today. Yes, I predo'd this one to be 3 to no in favour of the home team, but I never expected to see such a scoreline.

Man U's future looks bright and I hope for the sake of pure football that they rub their precocious, big-spending neighbour's noses in it by the end of the season, but what's in store for the Arsenal and weary old Wenger?

I'm only an observer of the game - by no means an expert - but it's hard to see how things were ever going to work out okay given what's gone on over the last couple of seasons. Fabregas was always going to be on his way out and you would've put your house on Nasri following suit (a couple of assists today for his new outfit wouldn't have made Wenger feel any better). Relying on jaded figures such as Arshavin and Rosicky might be alright against lesser oppostion but they're never going to win you a league title. RvP is a quality striker but he's only as good as the service he's provided with, and Walcott never seems to play two good games in a row. Include the fact that they haven't signed anyone of note and the the transfer window closes on Wednesdsay then even the most casual observer will conclude that this is going to be a very long season for Arsenal fans.

One fan wrote into the BBC to say that what is going on at the club is nothing short of "footballing negligence." I haven't got a clue what's happening behind the scenes but I think that statement is a fair one to describe the situation.

Ignorant Cunts

One thing that really gets on my tits is the shop assistant who gives you the total blank when you walk in to buy something. You know the type - they'll do anything but talk to you or make eye contact.

I went into a local shop the other day to get a pack of smokes; the bloke behind the counter was chatting with someone off to the side. I asked for my usual brand, (Lark, good smoke, never had cancer once) he handed them to me, gave me my change, and never once broke off the conversation.

Walked into the same place a couple of days later to get another pack, only this time some middle-aged woman is sitting there knitting. She gives them to me, hands me my change, never dropped a fucking stitch during the process. I thought to myself, you ignorant cunt, and as quickly as I thought it, I said it in an off-hand sort of way. She looked briefly at me and then resumed her knitting.

It wasn't until I had left the store that I realised I had just wasted a perfectly good, perfectly justified insult - I live in Ecuador, how many people here understand the meaning of "ignorant cunt." What I should've said was something like, "ignorante de mierda," but by then I'd missed the window of opportunity.

AGAIN! (02, Sep)

Called in yesterday afternoon and the fucking bitch snubbed me again... that's 3 for 3! Asked for cigarettes while she just continued wirelessing to some bint beside her.

I think they have a camera outside the shop which alerts them to when someone is just about to enter the place, which in turn buys them enough time to arrange some kind of diversionary tactic. Either that or they just fucking hate foreigners.

Prem 11/12 - wk 3

Quite a footballing week...

Arsene's really ripping the arse out of it down at the Emirates,
Man U's cubs are making the game look easy,
Wolves have a 100% record,
The Jock clubs made a right fucking mess of things in Europe (Lennon's boys might make it via the tradesman's entrance though),
Joey (the boy likes his tweets) Barton is off down south to QPR,

... but the best one by far has to be,
Shamrock Rovers have made into the Europa League!

Prem Predos

Villa 2 1 Wolves
Wigan 1 0 QPR
Blackburn 1 1 Everton
Chelsea 3 1 Norwich
Swansea 1 1 Sunderland
Liverpool 2 1 Bolton
Newcastle 2 1 Fulham
Spurs 1 2 City
WBA 2 1 Stoke
Man U 3 0 Arsenal

Prem 11/12 - Week 2

Not really in the mood to analyse this weekend's fixtures in detail due to the shitty bus ride home... why do they even let fat birds on the fucking bus? Some nightmare - waist and height roughly the same dimension - tried to squeeze her tracksuited, mini planet-sized fundament by me in the aisle. Read up on your Isaac Newton (or some other olde boffin), luv - it was always going to be an im-fuckin-possibility. Anyway, I digress...

The Prem offered up some rather interesting results (even though 3 of them finished nowt - nowt) with only City winning at home. Having said that, it would nice to see a few more goals. Here are my predos, for what it's worth...

Sunderland 2 0 Newcastle
Arsenal 0 0 Liverpool
Villa 3 1 Blackburn
Everton 2 1 QPR
Swansea 1 1 Wigan
Chelsea 2 0 WBA
Norwich 1 2 Stoke
Wolves 1 1 Fulham
Bolton 1 1 City
Man U 2 1 Spurs

Dog piss

I was walking down the street yesterday when I noticed a rat-like dog stopping to take a piss by the side of the gutter. Its owners paused and looked on, almost lovingly, while the curious little creature finished it's act of public urination. Now, if a dog stops to take a dump outside, then the owner(s) is expected to scoop the shit up and put it into a bag, so why shouldn't they, when given due warning, also be ready to get a bag ready, place it around the animal's hind quarters, and catch as much urine as they can.

Come on dog owners, take some responsibility for those spoilt little cunts you call pets.

Prem's back!

Going without Premier League football for 3 months is akin to laying off the booze and smokes, well, actually it isn't as difficult, but it's not far off it.

Yes, the best league in the world is back - no thanks to those looting cunts who almost ruined it for everyone else - and like the sporting soap opera it is, who knows what the fuck's going to happen...

Let's start with the champions who are away to WBA on Sunday. Watched United last Sunday in the Community Shield and drooled over the second half performance. Ok, this game falls somewhat into the Mickey Mouse category but when it's Man U against their precocious neighbours, then it becomes a different proposition altogether. WBA, under Roy Hodgson, attained a very creditable 11th spot in last year's campaign and they'll certainly be no pushovers in Sunday's game. Still, they've lost the 7 games at home to United, and I think Sir Alex's boys will do the business. 1-3

Chelsea went and got themselves a new manager, but nowt else seems to have changed for them. They're away to Stoke on Sunday and I wouldn't be a bit surprised if the Potters got a result out of this one. Stoke have signed Woodgate from Spurs - I'd like to see this boy get another chance to prove himself; superb in his Leeds days, just a pity that he's been plagued with injury ever since. 1-1

Newcomers Swansea find themselves thrown straight into the melting pot with a visit to the Etihad Stadium (do you remember the days when the names of football grounds were sacrosanct) on Monday. Man City have spent a fortune on young Argentina striker Agüero. He looked the part whenever he came on as a sub for the Argies during this year's Copa, but it'll be interesting to see how he fits into the Prem. Rattle-throwers - you heard me messrs Tevez and Balotelli - must go. The Swans clinched promotion from the Champo, but you get the impression they'll strugle from the start. 3-1

Arsenal are away to Newcastle in tomorrow's late fixture - belting 4-4 last season. I've been an admirer of Wenger for a long time but, alas, I fear his time is coming to an end. Fabregas and Nasri are both on their way out (should have got rid of Fab a year ago) and it's hard to see how they'll make a serious challenge without a major signing. Still too much nonsense going on at the Toon and I wouldn't be surprised if they finish up in a relegation battle. 1-2

Gotta mention QPR before I finish. My ol' mate Smitty was devastated when they got relegated in '96 but always maintained they'd get back up there again. Taarabt, Moroccan midfielder, is the player to watch - he bagged 19 goals in 44 apearances last season (also the first name to appear on my fantasy team). They've got Bolton at home tomorrow. 2-1

Gonna put my reputation as a predofile on the chopping block and pick the final four at the end of this year's campaign:

Man  U (Sneijder or not)
Man City (Tevez or not)
Chelsea (severe lack of new blood)
Liverpool (I think King Kenny is the equivalent of an extra man on the pitch)

Twitter ye not

Rio Ferdinand was the first and now every footballer (just like the whole tattoo thing) seems to have jumped on the tweeting bandwagon. Here are some examples that have caught my eye recently...

Let's start with tweeter... twitterer... tweeterer... or whatever the fuck it is, Rio Ferdinand himself. He recently told us that he was glad to be coming back from the US tour and was looking forward to seeing the family and eating some home-cooked food. Invaluable intel.

Jack Wilshire seems to want to steal Rio's crown. This morning, like the other morning, we were given more pointless chat about his ankle - "At club having some treatment! Trying to get this ankle better!" How long will it be before we're reading - "Feel a dump coming on; I'll tell you what colour it was when I'm done wiping my arris."

Read a good one on the BBC Sportsday Live. Official Man City tweet - "Sorry everyone, but @aguerosergiokun won't be training today, he has a stomach bug." I assume that the young Argentina striker got a note from his mum.

However, hats off to good ol' Joey Barton for keeping us apprised about his latest drama at Newcastle. The troubled midfielder has been going tweet crazy in recent days, and today quoted George Washington - "If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter." That's about as much in keeping as George Washington tweeting, "If Arsenal had signed me last season, they'd have won the league."

I think the saying which best applies to a lot of these tweets is the following - "Better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it and remove the doubt."